THE PAIN OF DYING TO SELF

In 1978 I lived in Norman Oklahoma and I was not yet converted to spiritual things. My younger brother and my Mom also lived in this town at the time.

At this time I was doing dope of all kinds and was not a nice person to be around, I was also a drunk.

One night after a party with some of my friends I got into a fight with a guy there and after the fight was broken up, I went to my home and was going to get a gun and go and kill the guy I fought with.

After I got home my younger brother by two years, came by to see me before I could leave and kill this guy. He asked what I was doing and I told him I was going to kill this guy.

He tried to talk me out of it, but being the ass hole I was I would not listen and tried to leave. He stopped me and threw me in the floor and wrestled and fought with me to stop me from this dumb thing I was trying to do.

He pinned me to the floor, and was beating the shit out of me as I was violent and not in the shape to be doing anything. As he was hitting me, I asked him if that was as hard as he could hit ?

He hit me a few more times and I was knocked out. He called my Mom and asked her if she could come over and watch over me as I was totally unconscious.

My Mom came over and sat beside me as I was unconscious. As I was laying in my bed about 2:00 AM in the morning, I sat straight up in the bed upright suddenly and spoke to my Mom and said, "there is something inside of me, and it's tearing me apart, I need help".

I was speaking of the possession by Devils that had a hold of me from childhood.

My Mom was shocked at what I said and as soon as I said it I went right back to sleep for the rest of the night.

This was in May 1979 and my Spirit man within me was crying out for help.

Three months later in my bedroom, the Spirit of the living God came into my room and cast five devils out of me, and my life was never the same after that.

I saw God, and I saw the devils that was cast out of me. I never believed in such things until this happened to me and that changed everything for me.

This was the pain of dying to ones self, the death of Ego me, and the finding out of who and what I actually am.

And it all happened in my bedroom. Seek and you will find.

gabe...

thanks for sharing......
can you clarify please.........are you saying that these 5 davils were part of your ego or are these 5 devil literal entities aside from the ego ??

either way yes agreed the death of the ego can be painfull.......the ego does put up a good fight cause it doesn t want to dye.....cause it thinks its the boss........and wants to keep the power trip going........

Gabe, I believe we are all born with some sort of attachments, some maybe from other lifetimes, others hitching a ride because they can. Ridding yourself of these attachments is not something widely taught to us. Instead, we have to go along figuring it out for ourselves. But once we do the freedom and lightness of spirit is soo amazing.

The five devils were incorporated into my Spirit man, creating the great ego of self, not needing god or anyone else. A lone ranger so to speak, and as soon as my ego died I found out that I then only learned who I really am and what I can actually do as a part of a whole.

The ego will separate you from others, it will want to be boss as you so wonderfully said, but as soon as the devils were gone I actually had a chance to be playing on level ground to find out my part in the body of the whole, and to find out that I actually had a place in life , if I would put ME ASIDE.

You must die in order to be yourself. To live is to die. To die is to live. The act of dying brings about change, that we all know, but you can instigate it for your betterment, because of the law of oxymoron, a paradox of life is in order to live you must first die.

I love your thoughts Lightning, it is obvious you are tuned in.

When I say we must die before we can live, I mean the death of ME, the death of YOU. The ego death, in order to bring about the birth of the Spirit of you to the whole of the body of light.

There are no lone rangers in this holograph. You must be willing to die to self in order to live.

you have put it so well gabe ..... we are in agreement.....

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we must die before we can live

Thank you sister.

:love-061:

Good story Gabe, I believe I have gone through some sort of baptism of fire myself these past 17 months, but once you hit that dark place and make it through you feel much lighter and free and loved within the light and the best part is the part of your ego that says your alone is thrown aside in the knowing that you have infinite loving souls surrounding you all the time, it is at that time you know you have made a breakthrough my love.

Gabe you certainly know how to reflect on any given situation and rise above all. Keep your spirits high.

Biggles wrote:

Good story Gabe, I believe I have gone through some sort of baptism of fire myself these past 17 months, but once you hit that dark place and make it through you feel much lighter and free and loved within the light and the best part is the part of your ego that says your alone is thrown aside in the knowing that you have infinite loving souls surrounding you all the time, it is at that time you know you have made a breakthrough my love.

Thanks biggs and well said.

Reunite wrote:

Gabe you certainly know how to reflect on any given situation and rise above all. Keep your spirits high.

I do think if it doesn't kill us, we get better....LOL hopefully.

I can vouch for that Gabe.

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I do think if it doesn't kill us, we get better....LOL hopefully.

yep gabe.....if it doesn t kill us it strenthens us........ growing hurts sometimes......lol

Right on Zuni, the truth always hurts at first, but then we improve. I am convinced that is why the truth is not welcome to most people, as most people fight change.

yes gabe..... and we know without change there can be no growth.....we are just stagnet.....
its a bit sad people are so afraid of change.......because as we know chenge maybe a bit of a discomfort at first but after you are exilerated....

The one guarantee in life is change. It is amazing how things can change in just one day? We all experience little changes every day, it seems that eventually we would just look forward to it, but human behavior is strange as it fights the natural process.

I find myself resisting change sometimes, until I stop and think about what is going on at the time? I also suppose the flesh will always be a pain in the ass.

You have a good attitude Zuni and understanding, because you mention being exhilarated. That feeling is the spirit in us, expecting better things after the change.