the "trip" continues, 2011

i have been thinking that it is about time for an update, on topic ...
it is a full two years now since i headed southeast from the
beautiful napa valley ... as i sit in the az desert today, questions nibble around
the edges of my mind:


please bear with me as i explore these questions ...
jump in with any comments, i appreciate your input ...
i feel the need to move beyond the catastrophes
and tragedies and get to some applicable conclusions,
cuz everything is swirling around everywhere all the time ...

There is great value for self reflection. There is a good analogy that we perceive to look out the window however we are looking at ourselves mirrored back by others. The window soon becomes the mirror as everyone who enters our lives is a mere self reflection of ourselves. This shift in perception brings back empowerment. I'll leave you with a quote.

"We learn our virtues from our friends who love us; our faults from the enemy who hates us. We cannot easily discover our real character from a friend. He is a mirror, on which the warmth of our breath impedes the clearness of the reflection".

Jean Paul Richter

Wow, that is an excellent quote there FL. I was thinking how you might view everything that has gone in your life with this trip hippie. Two years down the track, another wow.

Those are very pertinent questions. If you had not left with sis to go on this trip and were both still where you were previously, maybe think of it from that perspective.

Quote :

Wow, that is an excellent quote there

, with Biggles

As for WineHippie, i love to here about going withv the flow.

You know; there is something in the gospels of Jesus, about when you want to become one with God. One should leave his/her familiar environment, so for

Quote :

how can i be better

you must be on the right track.
At least that's how, i experienced my wanderings.
Like being aware of your thoughts/wishes, and try to see them being realized in front of you.
As is the easyest to do, when you go without expectations.

Ah; i could go on for long, but i think you know what i mean.
Enjoy

Your a wise soul Jerry.

ah Hippie

can't wait to see what answers you share with us

especially since i ask myself many of those questions too

but i can give you the answer to one of your questions

can i make a difference

you already have, dear friend, you already have

good morning, lovelies
***
it does seem odd that many of my questions are
the very same ones i had when i was young ...
only better articulated now ... i have always been concerned,
from earliest memories of my childhood, about
"fairness" and the difference between
what people said vs. what they did ...
i knew early on that pursuit of money and material things
did not make a person happy - when i did something which
got me into trouble, my response would invariably be
"but i'm a good person" ... when my siblings were being
"spanked", i was relieved it wasn't me and yet i knew the
violence was wrong and unneccesary ...
i am still this person, only bigger now ...

fast forward to 2008 ... and the decision to leave
the place i had called home for more than 30 years ...
i do not remember making a conscious decision, all of
a sudden i simply felt that i had to leave, there were no
two ways about it, nothing to evaluate, i felt compelled to put
my self to a test and felt i had nothing to lose ... i was
beginning to see that i could do nothing about injustice
or hypocrisy or violence in others ... the once wide-open
spaces seemed to be closing in around me ... distractions
were everywhere, i had to constantly bring my self back
to the idea of fine-tuning my self ... the first thing i did was
to cancel t.v. cable service, then i wound up just giving
my 3 t.v. sets away ... then i realized that it had been a
brainwashing tool all along, and i felt betrayed and a bit
stupid or naive, mostly at my self, who did not figure it out
sooner ... i became restless, nothing felt "right" anymore,
no one seemed to need me, i was contributing nothing -
i tried volunteering in the community, but seemed to bump
up against bureaucratic bullshit rules & procedures which,
in my mind, had nothing to do with helping or solving the
original problem or situation ...
***
to be cont'd

Now the words about volunteering and coming up against bureauracy and stupidity I can agree with.

I remember doing a palliative care course over a decade ago with other members of the community and then going into people's homes who were terminally ill and needing help doing things. I didn't last long, the people I came across unfortunately were bitter and nasty. I just couldn't take the bitter and nasty bit.

mz biggz, once i volunteered for visiting at an old folks nursing home
thinking my 2 yr old and i could make a difference ... we didn't
even tho he was the cutest ball of love any old folk would ever
wanna meet ... it's just that they were so drugged up, or out of it
from natural causes, that it was if we were invisible ... i realize that
i do not like BEING invisible ... too bad, too, it is something i will have
to come to terms with cuz as we get older/greyer we all become more invisible ...
another time i volunteered for cancer hospice - but i could not stand
the idea of the old man with the labored breathing, lying in bed in another room,
dying while i was on watch ... i knew there had to be another way to be of
service ...
***
curiously, this relates to something sis read to me from george ure's site
this morning - the concept of being a "paradigm-changer"
***
here is his story:

Quote :

"Coping: The "Assessing Self Worth" Experiment
This is really a discussion about "effective delegation" but let's start at the beginning....

It's long been held that a good editor needs nothing more than a $100 bill to build a story. I've been thinking about this for a while because around Christmas I was asking myself an interesting question: "What's the absolute best way to spend $100 to make the community better?

I spent the better part of two days on this - first one idea, then that. Boy's Clubs? Girl Scouts? The YMCA? The Food Bank? (This is the one I settled on, but the list of candidates was long...)

And so it was on Wednesday that I took Elaine to a sumptuous lunch in Tyler, Texas. Fine spread: Steak & chicken fajitas for me (breaking my diet) and Elaine has chili rejenos. One unsweetened tea and two glasses of wine.

Tab came to about $38.

Having had a recent client pay-day, I decided to pay with a $100 bill and give this one stipulation to our server as an experiment. "Here you go," I said handing her the tab and the $100. "Take whatever you think is fair for a tip and bring me the change..."

That got me a look of "You're kidding, right?"

No, I assured here, I most definitely was not kidding.

I think she worried the problem six-ways to Sunday because it was about 6-7 minutes before she returned. And how much change do you think I got?

A little over $60 - the exact change for the meal.

I left the whole thing - as it's a paradigm changer for people and a good one at that - to realize that every day, in everything we do, we each set our own value."

***
now it occurs to me that part of who i am, some of what i try to be/do,
is "paradigm-changer"
***
how much fun is THAT?
***
i think of the delight i take in setting the stage for events, dinners,
social gatherings ... i have always believed that it helps create the
experience, making it more memorable ... and for a long while, when
i raising my son especially, it was all about creating good memories ...
now i realize that creating experiences for your self and others is a
way to change the paradigm, an example of how things can be different ...
***
i take the opportunity to continue being a paradigm-changer with the
meals i prepare and serve, the drinks i pour from behind the bar, the
lap blankets i send to hospital, the suggestions i offer at monthly
meetings ...
***
gives me a nice focus, hope you find one today

sometimes, you can be paradigm-changer just by looking
someone in the eyes and smiling at them .....

I hear ya hipster, getting into the ebb and flow of the vibrational escrow (vortex) will attract and share a new scene.

I got you both, I get it.

You have been a paradigm changer even when your son was a little un. xo

Received this email today -

The Invitation by Oriah

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love for your dream for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy mine or your own. If you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful to be realistic to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day.
And if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes.”
It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments

ok, the universe has handed me some moments today
which make my heart fill to overflowing -
uh oh, here it comes ....

FL, this is so beautiful and SO TRUE
and comes on the heels of my receipt of a generous gift ...
i rec'd an envelope to day from my ex ....
i opened a hand-made paper card with dried and pressed
napa valley wild mustard flowers and tucked inside was
a money order for $200 ... but it wasn't the gift of money
that made me cry - it was the mustard and the note ...
written in his own hand, no one helped him ...
and it reads:
"oh ... the deb!
i love you
always"
and signed at the bottom ....
and i sit with my head bowed into my hands
and i cry
because love does that to me .....

This is so beautiful. Thanks for sharing.

The precious gift of love does that to your soul hippie, your blessed.

Biggles wrote:

Wow, that is an excellent quote there FL. I was thinking how you might view everything that has gone in your life with this trip hippie. Two years down the track, another wow.

Those are very pertinent questions. If you had not left with sis to go on this trip and were both still where you were previously, maybe think of it from that perspective.

Greetings WineHippie

Enjoying your thread!

And thank you Reunite ~ i agree with your perspective ~ i have been on the road now ~ since last April 2010 and i have neither regretted or even glance back since! Gio