my mom who is 89 sends me 'old' stuff..cause she says i am getting there..
A distraught senior citizen
Phoned her doctor's office.
'Is it true,' she wanted to know,
'that the medication
You prescribed has to be taken
For the rest of my life?'
'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence
Before the senior lady replied,
I'm wondering, then,
Just how serious is my condition
Because this prescription is marked
'NO REFILLS'..
***********************
An older gentleman was
On the operating table
Awaiting surgery
And he insisted that his son,
A renowned surgeon,
Perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia,
He asked to speak to his son
'Yes, Dad, what is it? '
'Don't be nervous, son;
Do your best
And just remember,
If it doesn't go well,
If something happens to me,
Your mother
Is going to come and
Live with you and your wife....'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aging:
Eventually you will reach a point
When you stop lying about your age
And start bragging about it.
---------------------------------
The older we get,
The fewer things
Seem worth waiting in line for.
---------------------------------
Some people
Try to turn back their odometers.
Not me!
I want people to know 'why'
I look this way.
I've traveled a long way
And some of the roads weren't paved.
********************
When you are dissatisfied
And would like to go back to youth,
Think of Algebra.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You know you are getting old when
Everything either dries up or leaks.
-------------------------------
One of the many things
No one tells you about aging
Is that it is such a nice change
From being young.
Ah, being young is beautiful,
But being old is comfortable.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
First you forget names,
Then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper.
It's worse when
You forget to pull it down.
---------------------------------
Long ago
When men cursed
And beat the ground with sticks,
It was called witchcraft...
Today, it's called golf.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two old guys
Are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart
When they collide.
The first old guy says to the second guy,
'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife,
And I guess I wasn't paying attention To where I was going..
The second old guy says, 'That's OK, it's a coincidence..
I'm looking for my wife, too..'
I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate'
The first old guy says, 'Well,
Maybe I can help you find her..
What does she look like?'
' The second old guy says,
'Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall,
With red hair,
Blue eyes,
Long legs,
And is wearing short shorts..
What does your wife look like?'
To which the first old guy says, 'Doesn't matter,
--- let's look for yours.'
*********************
and
I will never hear or see this word again without thinking of this joke.
The word is................. Fluctuations
At the bank today there was a short line. At the window was an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated . . . She asked the teller "Why it change?
Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen.
Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said "Fluctuations."
The Asian lady says "Fluc you white people too."
(You know you're laughing...)
Mon Jan 31, 2011 7:06 pm
