LOOKING VERY CLOSELY...... AT MYSELF.... THROUGH MY OWN MICROSCOPE...

Yesterday.... after and with my..... last posting of ...looking at "control programs".....

.... as gifts.........................

...... GUESS WHAT THE UNIVERSE..... SO HANDED ME or SERVED ME UP YESTERDAY?????...........................

............... HAVING TO SO DEAL WITH ALL MY "ISSUES".......... that "I HAVENT COMPLETELY WORKED OUT..... AND THUS WAS.... POST PONING.......... with my STEP-MOTHER and ME!!

THUS.... this is another PERFECT EXAMPLE..... (of how)... when I define what the UNIVERESE MEANS TO ME............................... I FUCKING GET IT......... RIGHT AS I SO DEFINED IT!!!


BACKGROUND
Due to my LOVE for my dad, at an age of 12 I decided to come live with my Dad and Step mother........... ALL BECASUE I WANTED TO SPEND TIME AND BE WITH MY DAD.....
....& with MY LOVING ... MOM... so ALLOWING ME .... to FREELY MAKE such a choice...

YET... with such arrangements........ I HAD TO "manage" and or "tolerate"......(as I had seen "it").... FOR ALL MY LIFE.... A VERY STRANGE TO ME.. HOUSE HOLD... WHERE..... MY STEP MOTHER..... ALWAYS HAD THE LAST SAY ON EVERYTHING........... AND EVERYTHING WAS............... BASED ON ... VERY "CONDITIONAL LOVE"..........
.. (even my brother and sister... did not like coming over to see my DAD due to my STEP MOTEHRS.... insistance that we WORK in the backgard (the whole weekend).... when ever we came to visit my dad and her, (prior to my living with them)..... and "this working".... when our "real" mother had NEVER asked us to do "such things"..... made them REVOLT... and state.... that THEY WERE NEVER GOING TO VISIT MY DAY..... due to my STEP MOTHER's...
..... BEHAVIOR/CONTROL ISSUES......................

Thus........ my dad and I became............... EXCELLENTLY TRAINED AND CONDITIONED PEOPLE.... TO SO KEEP MY STEP MOTHER HAPPY.... becasue... STRANGELY...... we NEVER really got to QUESTION my STEP MOTEHR's behavior......

..... AND with such statements, that I have always made..... WHERE I HAVE ALWAYS STATED...... THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WHOLE UNIVERSE...... that I have ....ANY ISSUES WITH..... IS MY STEP MOTHER!!!!

& with SUCH STATEMENTS BEING SO GIVEN TO THE UNIVERSE......

YESTERDAY....... became all about................. RESOLVING SOME OF THESE ISSUES......

... and ...... I WAS NOT ..... "the most LOVING individual"..... in so RE-STARTING.....
.... THESE ISSUES UP WITH MY STEP MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Furhter background.....

She just sent a B.Day gift to me and my daughter of the following:

For my daughter........ a gift of "thank you cards"........

and for me............ three books on how to raise your daughter

THUS.... and since my wife, daughter and I ............ all were wondering "the meaning of such" ..... gifts?????? I decided the "quickest and best way to so determine such"...
.... was to contact her..... and "ask her"... "if there was something that she wanted to say and or imply with .... "such gifts being given".........

And....... after getting a response, from her, that ... YES.... she still had some issues with some THANK YOU cards that were NEVER sent to her for gifts that she sent some two years ago.......&........ seeing how SHE FEELS SO COMFORTABLE about SENDING a "behavior related" gifts................................. I FUCKING LET IN ON HER......... IN WHAT MOST .... would consider............ VERY VERY UNLOVING & possibly... a DISREPECTFUL?? sort of way.....

.......... ever since I STARTED BECOMING AWARE OF HOW TO DIS-ARM CONTROL PROGRAMS..... my "step mother" has had to be quiet around me.... becasue NOW.....she can't "openly"..... be critical of my BEHAVIOR..... without ME SO BEING ABLE TO ...... ANSWER.... "logically".... ALL "my" REASONS FOR ALL "MY" BEHAVIOR"......

YET......... (becasue "this" was.... the best way she knew how ... to so express... an issue (of hers with me & or my daughter).. that was troubling her..... SHE CHOSE THE B.Day gifts????

Well SINCE .... all my LIFE with her, (some 39 years)..... "WE BOTH" created BEHAVIOR and or CONDITIONING...... that SO ALOWED HER TO CONTINUE HER BEHAVIOR..... where by..
... my dad, me, and my step sister.... were always .... UNCOMFORTABLE.... "enough".... for
...... such CONDITIONING to exist and be re-enforced........

NOW..... since and with such POSTINGs as what I posted yesterday.....

I have had to DEAL with this..... HEAD ON.....& ... "in the mist of such"....... I had forgotten to SEE HER AS A LOVING CARING PERSON WHO..... . IS SIMPLY JUST ACTING ON ......
... WHAT SHE BELIEVES AND KNOWS TO BE TRUE......................

.... AND with such...... LESS THAN PERFECTION.... related communication ..... to my STEP mother......... WHERE I HAVE BEEN THINKING ... thoughts... of her being a BITCH and all....

.... some LESS than JOYOUS.... health issues........ THAT WERE NEVER AN ISSUE WITH ME...
.... SUDDENLY....... showed itself...... (I got stung by a sting-ray two weeks ago... with no issues with my leg..... and then... ALL OF A SUDDEN........... my LEG started swelling up)???......

THUS............ this is what happens to me.. ALL THE FUCKING TIME..

..... WHEN I TREAT SOMEONE.... LESS THAN ......
... I WOULD LIKE TO BE TREATED.......... I GET TO RECIEVE...... the pain I give... to someone ELSE...... right back to ME (although the forms of such are always different)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


SHE currently is not picking up her phone when I call her.... so I have sent her a letter requesting THAT IF EVER FEELS THE NEED TO SO .... QUESTION my FAMILY'S BEHAVIOR...... I SHOULD HAVE THE SAME ABILITY TO ..... QUESTION HERS!!!!

... & I KNOW I STILL NEED TO STEP INTO ..... become more LOVABLE..... yet .... with the PAIN of not being able to QUESTION my step mothers behavior for some 39 years.... under my belt.... SOMETIMES..... SHE PUSHES MY BOTTONS... WHERE I UNLEASE HELL ON HER!!!!

THUS.........

If anyone has any INCOURAGING THOUGHTS TO ASSIST ME ..... in becoming more LOVEABLE and REASONABLE.... SO AS TO MINIMIZE THE PAIN of getting these ISSUES resolved between my Step mother and me...... PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SHARE THEM!!!!

.... good or bad... I have been defining HER .... as the ONLY person in the UNIVERSE... that I have issues with.............. AND IT LOOKS LIKE.... becasue of such.......... I AM HAVING...
... AND STILL EXPERIENCING....... HER AS BEING THE ONLY PERSON in UNIVERSE... "that I am experiencing".... HAVING ISSUES WITH!!

Just thought I would share my own issues with the group so as to ensure everyone knows ....... I still have PLENTY of ISSUES/OPPORTUNITIES to so play and work on and with THAT WILL MAKE MY LIFE MORE PLEASURABLE AND ENJOYABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.... (what scares me the most... is having her in my life next incarnation..(in a less than JOYOUS way).... thus.... why... I wish to resolve these issues (or should I say OPPORTUNITIES)..... HERE NOW... vs. LATER..........................

Best wishes,


Steve

ah Steve
i hope you don't mind that i grinned thur the whole post...
but i laughed out loud with
what scares me the most... is having her in my life next incarnation..(
you - more than most- are aware that you get what you focus on
SO stop that

been there...done that...not funny unless you have been there...a shared laugh

first..Louise Hay and her line.."we are all victums of victums" and "when you know better - you do better"

there is only one answer here...release yourself ...forgive yourself...and then just let it go
you can not be responsible for her and whatever views and manner of being she has...
you can only be responsible for you and how you react or don't..

see her as a victum of a victum and release any idea that her actions toward you and yours are at all personal..
they are only hers..and her living with her ideas..you just happen to be an easy outlet for her striking back at whomever
made her feel the way she does
stop the circle..step away

step away...forgive yourself for not making waves as you lived with her...
release any and all reasons for her being in your life..
and just go enjoy

and for heaven's sake..stop with the thinking you get thumped on the head for any unloving thought

oh yeah..an exercise i had to do for a very long time in releasing a certain person in my life..
every night i would quietly think of any strings or attactments between us being cut..
or
hooks from this person to me being released
and also any hooks i had made being released..

and as i thought thur WHY the hell i had to go thur it..my answer
was so i could learn to let it go...nothing more
but i had sure made it a big deal for a long time

Steve,
I would not connect the pain you suffered from the sting-ray due to you confronting her.
This woman seems to be a rude control freak and somebody needed to stand up and stop her.
You should not be feeling bad for speaking up.

I have had to cut some relatives out of my life for my own sanity and peace. I feel that I am a loving person who is fair, but I refuse to allow anybody to try and dictate my life or who tries to humiliate or embarrass me.

As long as you know that you come from a loving place and tried your best, you can be free from any guilt.
All you can do is send her good thoughts, forgive her and hope that she will eventually see her faults and changes, but you are not in control of her behavior.

Don't let anybody get in the way of your own growth, ever. You don't need her negative energy.

I wouldn't worry about her going to the place where you will end up next, because she is on a lower vibration and has to deal with her own issues at her own pace.

We are always being tested and we must stay on the right frequency no matter what. We have to forgive ourselves and open up our hearts, then everything will work out the way it is suppose to.
Peace

sky otter,

GREAT comments on your story with "strings being cut" and ......

....... GETTING TO AND FOCUSING ON...........

LETTING GO & OR BECOMING UNATTACHED.....OR... "UN-REACTABLE"...

...... TO ANY AND ALL HER POSSIBLE & VARIOUS..... BEHAVIOR

..................... THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU..............................

& LINDA...

Quote :

As long as you know that you come from a loving place and tried your best, you can be free from any guilt.
All you can do is send her good thoughts, forgive her and hope that she will eventually see her faults and changes, but you are not in control of her behavior.

YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.............. YET...... REALISTICALLY..... I AM NOT THERE YET!!!

I HAVE BEEN....... MORE MENTALLY..... TELLING HER OFF ... SENDING VARY DELIBERATE... DEMEANING STATEMENTS OF HOW LESS THAN WONDERFUL SHE IS..... in various role plays of such.... vs. SENDING ONLY LOVING THOUGHTS TO HER.... and RE-CREATING THE PLAY...
... IN A MANOR THAT WOULD BRING MORE PEACE AND JOY..... TO ME AND MY FAMILY's LIFE!!!

...... THUS.............. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

& YES......... I DO HAVE SOME PROGRAMING/BELIEFS ... that make..... LESS THAN PLEASURABLE THINGS OCCUR (in my life)........ WHEN I CAUSE or BELIEVE I HAVE CAUSED OTHERS PAIN..... &.."at this time".... I am not sure IF I WANT TO DELETE or CHANGE THESE YET??? (Right NOW.... I LIKE... using such DIS-COMFORT..... as an INDICATION.... of DEALING WITH POSSIBLE.... KARMIC ISSUES...... NOW vs. LATER.. (based on my STRANGE beliefs about such).

ANYWHO.... I am NOW ... starting to feel better and better ...

WITH GREAT THANKS AND APPRECIATION!!!!!!!



Steve

hey steve.....

you could try this attitude on for size:

actually THANK her for giving you the opportunity
to work on issues (usually stemming from ego)
because without her control/bitchiness pushing your
buttons, causing a reaction which you do not particularly
enjoy, you would not be examining your own self and
then that stuff would be stuck inside you... ewwwwww

WineHippie,

YES YES YES YES YES YES............

.... TODAY I FINALLY REALIZED................ I HAVE BEEN CAUSING MY OWN ISSUES HERE!!!!!

...... OUT OF THE WHOLE 39 or so years that I have known her.....

..... any time ANY of my family, friends, or relatives....

... EVER MADE FUN OF MY STEP MOTHER'S CONTROLING BEHAVIOR................

..... ALL I EVER DID............ WAS ADD ..... FUEL TO THE FIRE.... & add my stories to the mix!! Stating things like..... can you believe..... she did this.... or she did that.....

... THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE STORIES, (that I should not repeat... but ..I say this just because.... THIS WAS ONE OF MY FAVORITE STORIES:

SHE LOVED TO MAKE US EAT ALL OUR VEGETABLES & LIVER, and such.... REGARDLESS .... OF HOW MUCH WE DISLIKED IT!!!!!!! AND NO MATTER IF IT TOOK 2-3 hours.... WE HAD TO STRUGGLE THROUGH SUCH .... activities......

AND on ONE of these OCCASIONS... where I was struggling with drinking this V8 tomato juice..... WHERE I HAD ASKED... due to my stuggle, if I could not drink it... I THEN..GOT THE SAME.... ANSWER..... struggle through it....... YOU WILL GET IT DOWN!!!
Well.... upon taking that next gulp...... I WOUND UP.... THROWING UP .... all the V8 juice all over the table!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND THEN... ONLY THEN.......... WAS IT OK....... TO HAVE A CHOICE OF NOT DRINKING IT!!

YET..... HERE I AM AGAIN......... SO ADDING FUEL TO THE FIRE........

THUS.......... WITH THIS LAST EXAMPLE........... I WILL NOW FOCUS ....... ON ONLY THE BENEFITS OF HAVING HAD HER IN MY LIFEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

&........ YES........... SHE HAS REALLY REALLY HELPED ME EXAMINE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO........ YES YES YES YES...................... SHE HAS BEEN A GOOD THING 4 ME!!!!
.... SO LONG... AS I FOCUS ON HER BLESSINGS SHE HAS SO GIVEN ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks again WINIHIPPIE....... GREAT STUFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




Steve

We all have issues.

And maybe, bringing our issues to this forum or that forum isn't a good idea.

They need to stay with the "owner" of the problem, until resolved. Or it's just gossip.

Wine Hippie, your graphics are serving me well. Thank you again.

Any other ideas you may have.... just for fun ... are totally welcome.

I get so stale, you know how it is?


Shech--

Shech.......

YOUR COMMENTING ON THIS.......................

....................... IS ABSOLUTELY ...................

................. PERFECT ... TIMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

..... and YES... there is part of ME is dissapointed that I placed my issue with MY MOTHER HERE!!!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

& YET............................. IF YOU MUST KNOW......................................

........... THERE WAS ANOTHER PART OF ME.......................................

................ WHICH DESIRED TO DEMONSTRATE/SHOW...............

... THAT THERE IS NOT THAT MUCH DIFFERENCE.......... BETWEEN A FAMILY RELATIONSHIP ISSUE.....VS........... ANY "THOUGHT TO BE"...... WORLD ISSUE...

... THAT MAY BE THOUGHT TO BE....................... BEYOND YOUR CONTROL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.......... TO ME.... FAMILY ISSUES.................. AND ...... WORLD RELATED ISSUES.......

.......... WHEN YOU THINK, SAY, AND ACT............. AS IF THEY ARE REAL..................

............... YOU CONTINUE TO KEEP......... THE UNDESIRED REALITY...... IN PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!

BEST WISHES.....


STEVE........

On the other hand, there is no way to wish one's problems away.

They remain to face, for another day, is all.


God bless you, in dealing with this difficult matter.

Shech--

aw, steve, i feel for ya
am surprised you never developed the
scoot-from-plate-onto-napkin-in-lap
technique

which is what i used for liver and lima beans
since my mother forced us to eat also.... or
else no dessert (horrors) no TV (unthinkable)
and straight to bed

sometimes circumstances beyond our control
really aren't and some situations demand creativity

Steve have you thought about entertaining this idea.

Perhaps you made a pre-birth agreement with your step-mother to experience the indifference's between yourselves to accelerate spiritual growth and participate in further self-reflection and understanding. In a past life you may of had experience with her on the opposite spectrum/polarity as a brother/sister/lover???? You may be now experiencing the karmic effect with her.. a new reincarnation and relationship awaits itself once this chapter unfolds.

.................................................................................................... ALSO :)

As Reunite says - we are all of one, and there is every possibility that both of your higher selves had this all worked out before you incarnated!

Karma is such a loaded concept that I wanted to quote the definition I most use:

Quote :

34.4 Questioner: Thank you. Would you define karma?

Ra: I am Ra. Our understanding of karma is that which may be called inertia. Those actions which are put into motion will continue using the ways of balancing until such time as the controlling or higher principle which you may liken unto your braking or stopping is invoked. This stoppage of the inertia of action may be called forgiveness. These two concepts are inseparable.

Please note the reference to forgiveness.

Quote :

34.5 Questioner: If an entity develops what is called karma in an incarnation, is there then programming that sometimes occurs so that he will experience catalysts that will enable him to get to a point of forgiveness thereby alleviating the karma?

Ra: I am Ra. This is, in general, correct. However, both self and any involved other-self may, at any time through the process of understanding, acceptance, and forgiveness, ameliorate these patterns. This is true at any point in an incarnative pattern. Thus one who has set in motion an action may forgive itself and never again make that error. This also brakes or stops what you call karma.

http://www.lawofone.info/results.php?search_string=forgiveness&search_type=any&sc=0&ss=1

Fellow Simultaneous ONE selF ...Winnie, Reunite, and Anchor.... and the group of FELLOW DIVISIONS of THE ONE OF US......

THE ONE UNIVERSE........ GAVE ME (& I BELIEVE EVERYONE).........

...IN EVER SINGLE (pulsation) of the UNI-VERSE..... (with such ON & OFF.. BLINKS)....

..... that most of US..(thus far).... have yet to notice....(& yet are more and more so doing so)
.... (like LOOKING at the TV screen with a devise that is ALSO moving (such as a fan)..
.......... where YOU THEN SEE..... THINGS ... LIKE.. "a slowed down MOVIE REAL"............... where although "they had" looked like they were CONTINUOUS.....in actuality... THEY WERE NOT..

.... WITH EACH AND EVERY ......... BLINK ..... of our ON AGAIN and OFF again... PERSONAL..

............................................. EXPERIENCE.............................................................

.............................. THE UNIVERSE HAS, IS, AND WILL..............................................

..........BE GIVING AND REFLECTING....... WHAT WE ARE GIVING AND REFLECTING.......

........................ THIS HAPPENS . @ levels of ONE-ONE interactions...

...................... AND THIS HAPPENS.............. ON A COLLECTIVE LEVEL!!!!!!!!!!


4 "my"/the (STEP MOM & ME) PLAY.... (that we are up to).........

............. IT HAS BEEN................ NOTHING BUT PERFECTION IN MOTION......

........................ AND HAS GIVEN ME........ THE MOST RE-INFORCEMENT..............

............................ FOR WHO I WISH TO BE AND HOW I WISH TO LIVE.......

.................................... THEN ANY OTHER SIGNLE TEACHING DEVICE.........

....................................... THAT ONE COULD EVER EVER IMAGIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

..... ALTHOUGH..... some people can TEACH or PUSH..... YOU TO GO IN AN .... OPPOSITE DIRECTION.... (vs. the ONE THEY ARE MODELING AND DEMONSTRATING)

SO while... at times (admittingly)...... I say to "the SELF I know".....

WHY IS IT THAT THE WORLD/(EVERY SINGLE PERSON)...DOES NOT JUST REALIZE................

.... THAT WE ARE ALL (EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US... without exception) CAUSING OUR OWN ISSUES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...... THE ONLY REASON ...... I KNOW THIS (when and AS I HERE NOW RE-MEMBER this!!!!!!!)............

.................... IS THANKS TO MY LOVEABLE & ABORABLE* ... STEP MOTHER.......
........................... ( WHERE I HAVE HAD MY BIGGEST CHALLENGES/INSIGHTS).........
................................. ALL IN ONE SINGLE LOCATION & PERSON.................

... (and please know.... I say LOVEABLE and ADORABLE)...... ONLY BECAUSE..... IF I DO NOT SAY SUCH WORDS... (for me)....... I MAY??? FOCUS ........ on the LESS ENJOYABLE......
....aspects of "this part of me"......... vs....... THE NOW.... MORE WONDERFUL and BEAUTIFUL.. ASPECTS OF SUCH.... THAT ARE HERE NOW.... MORE SHOWING THEMSELF...
.... IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THUS.......... YES YES YES....... SHE HAS BEEN & IS.......

..... ONLY A BLESSING.... FULL OF WONDERFUL... EXPERIENCIAL LESSONS!!!!!!!!!!!!

...................... THAT.... THANKS TO HER!!!!............ I WILL NEVER FORGET "such lessons"!!!!!!!

---------------------------------

-----------------------

Thanks for RE-COGNIZING (re-thinking)....... THIS WITH ME......

SO THAT I COULD .... SEE MORE AND MORE LOVE IN MY LIFE vs... anything LESS THAN LOVE!!!

BLESSINGS, BLESSINGS, AND MORE BLESSINGS.....

.... for so ASSISTING me to........ SEE HER "thought to be" CONTROL issues........

..................... AS ONLY BEING ............ BLESSINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!



STEVE

ANOTHER MESSAGE.....

TO ME........... FROM ME...

......... THAT IS VERY MUCH IN AGREEMENT.......

... WITH US ALL ..... GIVING OURSELVES...... OUR OWN & COLLECTIVE REALITIES......

& I CAN NOT SAY........... ENOUGH GOOD THINGS.........

.... TO RELAY...... HOW MUCH BASHAR......... IS A VALUE TO ME!!!!!!!!!



BLESSINGS..... TO ALL......

STEVE